Envy

Dear G,

Please take away this envy. I started to recognize this feeling last year. I felt jealous of how many people have good things around them, of how their life seems sorted compared to mine. I know I shouldn't compare and look at other people's plates but sometimes I can't help it. 

Today, I saw how beautiful my batchmate's prenup photos are, they look so good together. And as I scrolled to each photo, I felt sad about how alone I am - wishing someday I get to experience that kind of love that they have. 

Pray, dream, wish, hope. I remember a line from the book Attachments that goes "Love. Purpose. Those are the things that you can't plan for. Those are the things that just happen. And what if they don't happen? Do you spend your whole life pining for them? Waiting to be happy?" It's been 6 years since I read that book. Oh, how I miss reading novels. 

G, I'm sorry for always venting my worries to you. But I am thankful that you always, always, always listen. Thank you for the provisions while I sort myself out. I'm really looking forward to an abundant year. Imagine, I still made progress last year - had PRK, bought insurance, and had an additional stream of income. You were always with me, thank you.

I pray I can defeat this envy and replace it with gratefulness and love. I wish I can be a more loving person, doing things with love and not for love. 

G, I lift it all to you. 



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